The Sanderson Gazette - 2025-11-05 - Zero Point Zero One

Week 9 Recap

Dave def. Mike R., 133.48-133.47

Oh my goodness. For the second straight week, we're leading off with a game in which Mike R. (a) scored more than 130 points, (b) lost by less than one point, and (c) saw a player fall two or fewer yards short on Monday night.

This time around, it was Trey McBride (13.33) who came agonizingly close to getting Mike a comeback victory. Also involved were Tee Higgins (30.13), Puka Nacua (18.97), Ka'imi Fairbairn (17.30), and Rashee Rice (17.27).

But Dave was victorious by the thinnest possible margin. Six of his seven players scored in double figures, led by D.J. Moore's 21.40 and Sam LaPorta's 18.93.

Mike's 430.94 points scored over the past three weeks is the third highest total ever, behind only Rabbit's 441.98 in weeks 9-11, 2010 and Schertz's 433.54 in weeks 8-10, 2019. The good news is that both of those teams went on to win the Sanderson Cup; the bad news is that they also both won all three games in their prolific stretches, while Mike won just one.

In fact, you have to go all the way down to the 14th highest three-week total to find a team that lost even once (Rob, 415.97, weeks 1-3, 2020).

Pat def. Derrek, 93.89-93.37

OK, phew, with that out of the way, we can get onto far less dramatic games, like this one that came down to Zach Charbonnet's (5.30) final two carries in the fourth quarter on Sunday night. Josh Allen (30.05) and Dalton Kincaid (19.47) set Pat up for the come-from-behind win.

On the other side of the ledger, Derrek yet again got more than 60% of his points from Christian McCaffrey (31.53) and Justin Herbert (27.20). DK Metcalf (0.80) and the Raiders defense (zero) were notable failures for D.

Ed def. Matt, 91.30-87.07

Ed and Matt were not without their own drama, as Ed got barely what he needed from Javonte Williams (6.30) on Monday night. Caleb Williams (39.23) led the way for the commissioner, offsetting teammate Rome Odunze's zero. Matt got 26.60 from Lamar Jackson in his return from injury and another multi-TD game from Davante Adams (20.00), but that wasn't enough to stop his losing streak, which is now at seven games.

Rob def. Babel, 91.94-71.66

The Dickran Duel, as expected by its participants, was more of a Dickran Dud. While this game technically came down to Monday night, it would have taken a monster game from Jake Ferguson (4.67) for Babel to overcome Rob's Marvin Harrison, Jr. (18.80) and Brandon Aubrey (3.60). On Sunday, QB also went in Rob's favor, as Trevor Lawrence (22.90) outdueled Drake Maye (15.95).

Alvin Kamara, who scored -0.20 for Rob, was the Redboner of the Year.

Richie def. Pulley, 123.61-88.99

Richie's team exploded into relevance, led by the return of Brock Bowers (35.53). Another huge factor was Kyle Monangai (20.53), who was traded for a defense just two weeks ago.

Patrick Mahomes II (11.50) came back down to Earth for Pulley, though Jaxon Smith-Njigba (18.30) and Amon-Ra St. Brown (12.93) both kept rolling.

Scott def. Rabbit, 108.39-94.88

It turns out Rabbit - and the Colts - are not unbeatable! Jonathan Taylor (6.10) and Tyler Warren (3.47) couldn't reach double figures combined, and while Matthew Stafford (28.65) did his best to keep Rabs alive, it wasn't enough this week.

Scott got a monster game from Drake London (33.73) and finally pushed ahead for good on Monday night behind Dak Prescott (15.40) and CeeDee Lamb (11.33).

Kevin def. Schertz, 102.69-82.12

Kevin won his sixth straight on the backs of Rico Dowdle (26.47) and Jaxson Dart (28.15). Schertz lost his third in a row thanks to Woody Marks (2.70) and an injury to C.J. Stroud (4.15).

Trades

Trade between Ed and Rob

Ed received:

  • Tetairoa McMillan - from Rob - keeper cost: 3rd
  • Cam Skattebo - from Rob - keeper cost: 9th

Rob received:

  • Courtland Sutton - from Ed - keeper cost: 4th
  • Ollie Gordon II - from Ed - keeper cost: 9th

Ed and Rob were - and, likely, still are - on the opposite sides of the contender/pretender coin, so they swapped a WR2 with more forward-looking value for one with more right-now value.

Neither Sutton (10.00 on just one catch) nor McMillan (6.47) had great weeks, though both Grosses won their matchups.

Standings

  1. Rabbit, 7-2, 1,088.82
  2. Kevin, 7-2, 994.12
  3. Dave, 6-3, 931.76
  4. Rob, 6-3, 873.19
  5. Scott, 5-4, 1,019.08
  6. Pulley, 5-4, 930.64
  7. Richie, 5-4, 750.57
  8. Schertz, 4-5, 895.16
  9. Ed, 4-5, 870.91
  10. Pat, 4-5, 817.04
  11. Mike R., 3-6, 1,032.58
  12. Babel, 3-6, 798.36
  13. Derrek, 2-7, 840.33
  14. Matt, 2-7, 783.66

Blingalytics Ratings

  1. Rabbit, 754
  2. Mike R., 664
  3. Scott, 663
  4. Kevin, 595
  5. Pulley, 558
  6. Dave, 551
  7. Schertz, 489
  8. Rob, 475
  9. Ed, 452
  10. Derrek, 419
  11. Pat, 392
  12. Richie, 334
  13. Matt, 332
  14. Babel, 322

Weekly Awards

Team Blangums

Dave was less than 1/50th of a point from losing, but instead his 133.48 earned him Team Blangums.

The 0.01-point margin of the Dave-Mike R. game is, obviously, the closest game margin ever... but it only ties for the closest Blangums margin ever:

  1. Week 9, 2018, 0.01 (Mike R. over Schertz)
  2. Week 9, 2025, 0.01 (Dave over Mike R.)
  3. Week 8, 2012, 0.03 (Mike R. over Matt)
  4. Week 8, 2018, 0.10 (Derrek over Scott)
  5. Week 1, 2025, 0.10 (Rob over Scott)
  6. Week 5, 2008, 0.12 (Allen over Pulley)
  7. Week 2, 2014, 0.13 (Pulley over Mike R.)
  8. Week 4, 2024, 0.13 (Mike R. over Kevin)
  9. Week 2, 2018, 0.22 (Mike R. over Rob)
  10. Week 9, 2008, 0.27 (Kevin over Babel)

Ironically, Mike R. has been on the winning side of four of the ten instances in which Team Blangums was decided by less than half a point.

Slapped Heartbeat

Babel's year has really come off the rails, and now he has a Slapped Heartbeat award to show for it. He scored just 71.66 this week.

Weekly MVP

There were a lot of players with thirty or more points this week, so let's just recognize the highest here: Caleb Williams, who scored 39.23 for Ed (in a game the commish won by less than five).

Dud of the Week

Derrek was certainly hoping to get more from DK Metcalf, who scored just 0.80 in a matchup D lost by 0.52.

Start of the Week

Here's a fun one: Pat had to choose among Calvin Austin III (7.47), Zach Charbonnet (5.30), Nick Chubb (3.40), Justice Hill (1.93), and JuJu Smith-Schuster (0.27) for his two flex spots. While Austin was the best pick, had he chosen any other players over Charbonnet and Chubb (his starters), he'd have lost to Derrek.

Misplay of the Week

Here's another fun one (and also, since Mike and Derrek have already suffered enough in this awards section): Matt, like the Ravens did years ago, chose Lamar Jackson (26.60) over Joe Flacco (33.90). Had he gone with the latter, he'd have beaten Ed.

Pickup of the Week

Babel grabbed Parker Washington and was rewarded with 12.00 points.

Blessed Cahoots

Dave won a game by 0.01, which certainly qualifies here.

Week 10 Preview

Game of the Blingaweek

Double Digits (Dave, 6-3, 3rd) vs. Rob for Today (Rob, 6-3, 4th)

Rob leads all-time series, 12-10.

Our second Blingabowl XVII rematch of the season should be a good one, with both Dave and Rob coming in with 6-3 records.

Dave has won five in a row after a rough start. Michael Pittman, Jr. (vs. ATL), DeVonta Smith (@GB), and even kicker Cameron Dicker (vs. PIT) have been outperforming expectations in that stretch. When you combine them with his high-draft-capital J.J.'s, Justin Jefferson (vs. BAL) and Josh Jacobs (vs. PHI), they make up a dangerous team. But Dave might only go as far as another J.J. - McCarthy (vs. BAL) - will take him, as Jayden Daniels is going to be out for a while, now.

Rob has also been hot, winning five of his last six. He gets Saquon Barkley (@GB) and his Buccaneers, Emeka Egbuka and Baker Mayfield (both vs. NE), back from bye, to add to the mercurial Courtland Sutton (vs. LV) and Marvin Harrison, Jr. (@SEA). Will he feel the pain of missing team cornerstone Brandon Aubrey (bye)? Or will Michael Badgley (vs. ATL) come through in a pinch?

Pick: Rob for Today.

Other Blingamatches

Pullman's MondoSquad (Pulley, 5-4, 6th) vs. schertzopotamus (Schertz, 4-5, 8th)

Pulley leads all-time series, 11-4.

Pulley's five-game win streak was snapped, so while he's still in solid playoff position, he can't afford to start a losing streak. Having two of the top five WRs in Amon-Ra St. Brown (@WAS) and Jaxon Smith-Njigba (vs. ARI) means it's not likely, but he will need Geno Smith (@DEN) to perform well enough in relief of Patrick Mahomes II (bye) to feel confident in his chances.

Speaking of losing streaks, Schertz is now on three-game skid prompting a big change at QB; he used his high waiver priority on Jacoby Brissett (@SEA), who looks like he'll be the Cardinals starter for the foreseeable future. Brissett can't fix Schertz's up-and-down receiving corps, though. Nico Collins (vs. JAC) has been fine when healthy, recently; Romeo Doubs (vs. PHI) is showing that being the top WR option in Green Bay is not the same as having that role elsewhere; and Jameson Williams (@WAS) has either scored 14.80 or zero in each of the past four weeks.

Pick: Pullman's MondoSquad.

Pralines & Dick (Rabbit, 7-2, 1st) vs. Live Commish (Ed, 4-5, 9th)

Rabbit leads all-time series, 12-9.

Rabbit proved himself to be mortal this past week, which means this could be an even more dangerous time to face him. Jalen Hurts (@GB) is back from his bye and Jonathan Taylor and Tyler Warren (vs. ATL) are sure to be better than they were in week nine. Chase Brown and George Pickens are on bye, but Zay Flowers (@MIN) and Kimani Vidal (vs. PIT) are better than just about every other team's bench options.

Ed's three-game wining streak prompted him to make a huge move to cash in keeper value (Javonte Williams) for a top QB (Lamar Jackson (@MIN)) and potentially-top TE (George Kittle (vs. LAR)). Derrick Henry (@MIN) looks to be back on track, as well, and - like Rabbit's Colts - Rome Odunze (vs. NYG) can do worse this week than last. The commish is back in the playoff hunt, but winning this week would still be a significant upset (even though he's won four straight vs. Rabs).

Pick: Pralines & Dick.

Go to sleep (Richie, 5-4, 7th) vs. Harrison Hammers (Matt, 2-7, 14th)

Matt leads all-time series, 9-6.

"Yo. Don't shine a light on my team. I feel like my team is that old-timey cartoon where the character is trying to slink out of jail in the darkness. But in my case, towards the playoffs." - Richie

Richie's new team name took inspiration from last week's holiday-themed Gazette, and I, for one, like it! With Brock Bowers (@DEN) healthy once more and Quentin Johnston (vs. PIT) possibly back in early-season form, Richie looks like he might have moved from amusing luck-driven sideshow to full-on playoff contender... but there are still some question marks. How much longer will Justin Fields (vs. CLE) be a starter? Was Kyle Monangai (vs. NYG) a one-week wonder? Are Breece Hall (vs. CLE) and Travis Etienne, Jr. (@HOU) going to have more highs than lows moving forward?

Matt, on a whopping seven-game losing streak - his longest since 2008! Expectedly, he's started to make moves for keepers, trading for Javonte Williams (bye) and Caleb Williams (vs. NYG). Some good news is that Bucky Irving (vs. NE) - himself a good-looking keeper - is probably back this week.

Pick: Harrison Hammers.

The Vistas are Back (Pat, 4-5, 10th) vs. Bernie's Bullies (Mike R., 3-6, 11th)

Mike R. leads all-time series, 13-6.

Pat got a very important win to keep his playoff hopes alive in week nine, and he's pinning his future hopes on a just a few NFL teams. As of now, seven of his nine starting slots are filled with Bills, Seahawks, and Bears: Josh Allen, Keon Coleman, and Dalton Kincaid (all @MIA); Rashid Shaheed and Zach Charbonnet (both vs. ARI); and D'Andre Swift and Cairo Santos (both vs. NYG). It's a high-variance strategy, but maybe that's what #playoffpat needs.

Can his opponent, Mike, break the 130-point barrier for the fourth straight week? If so, he'll join Rabbit, from weeks 8-11 in 2010, as the only team to ever do so. Daniel Jones (vs. ATL) should bounce back from a bad week nine, and A.J. Brown (@GB) should be back from injury and bye. If Puka Nacua (@SF) is healthy, then Mike could do it. If not, is he staring 3-7 in the face?

Pick: Bernie's Bullies.

Let him Lay them Bricks! (Scott, 5-4, 5th) vs. D's Nuts (Derrek, 2-7, 13th)

Derrek leads all-time series, 6-1.

How big a mismatch is this on paper? Scott currently doesn't have a defense in his lineup and is still projected to win by Yahoo.

Pick: Let him Lay them Bricks!

The Chocolate Donuts (Kevin, 7-2, 2nd) vs. Keep Calm & Stefon (Babel, 3-6, 12th)

Kevin leads all-time series, 10-7.

How big a mismatch is this on paper? Kevin could remove any player from his lineup except his QB (Jaxson Dart (@CHI)) and Yahoo would still project him to win.

Pick: The Chocolate Donuts.

Closing Thoughts

Week nine was just the sixth week that had more than one game decided by less than a point, and the first in just over four years!

  • Week 6, 2009: Dave def. Derrek, 96.50-96.12; Matt def. Ed, 101.57-100.86
  • Week 10, 2010: Pat def. Kevin, 100.27-99.51; Ed def. Mike R., 125.13-124.36
  • Week 4, 2015: Rabbit def. Schertz, 70.68-70.28; Matt def. Pulley, 58.24-57.50
  • Week 11, 2015: Pulley def. Babel, 76.34-76.00; Derrek def. Dave, 81.62-81.24
  • Week 8, 2021: Rabbit def. Mike R., 75.70-75.39; Richie def. Babel, 108.72-108.36
  • Week 9, 2025: Dave def. Mike R., 133.48-133.47; Pat def. Derrek, 93.89-93.37